dewy rainy day...

wah, today's weather is lovely.
what can i say, it just gives so much comfort.
especially when i'm in that time of the month.
usually i'll be moody, but today everything feels wonderful.

that's just the begining ...
i started of with what my mom has been trying to
persuade or force me since ages ago.
(to listen to all the "keys" cd's.)

well i started with keys one..
all goes on well, till i found out it was only the first part of keys one.
and the are 3 more cd's to go.
each around 75mins...
and the whole "keys" set has six!!!..
each has sub-parts which constitute of 75 mins of talk..

its good though.... but the duration.
god, i just pray myself to be disciplined to finish up the each cd's at a time,
without popping out of the, order....

i believe i can though but not all in a day..
just one tiny step at a time.

.........................................................................................................................

after mia-ing

just when i was asked to help out few minutes ago, ...
yeas, i have sneaked out of it, and am right here writing
 it was to clear up the wet kitchen for some renovation thingy.. but for the moment ..
i'm soo far away from being Miss. Kind & Helpful... திஇங்க   i'ல் ஹெல்ப் லெட்டர்   (p/s- just messing around- means : think i'll help later.. changed to tamizh alphabets.. pheonatically its almost same)

Been away from blogging for wayy too long.
reasons:-
1. i was living in a total boredom.
2. was coping with my anger internally.. which later made a  huge mess externally.
3. brain was blocked.. reason?? refer  above .
4. was soo into this fb games, till i got bored of them.. except it girl.. i'll tell ya all in the next blog..
5. in the mode of ignorancy..
6.wow... thats way too much of being clogged up.. but yes i was. lol ;)

New Year.. yes, its a happy event..
as the words says everything, cause its new!!
a new opportunity, new dates and time, new attitude,
new life, new courage, new understandings, new hopes and dreams..
and yeah.. resolutions!

வெயிட் !! / wait!!
did i fulfill my previous New Year's resolutions?
yess!!
and here they are:-
1. reduce the number of times i fall sick- yup, i've had it twice, fewer than 2009
2. reduce the amount of any medicine- still managed, took it once, and that wasn't even for my fever, but for the injured ankle i got! ( i even bared migraines without any voltaran-- and thats something i wouldn't have done previously)
3.to put on some weight- yeah from 45 to 46kg ;) not bad eh? adding them on is as equally  hard as losing them ... no kidding, we didnt lose our weight or put on our weight just by overnight.. it takes time.. Rome wasn't build in a day ;) hehe....
4.study hard- lol, i did !!.. here lies my prob, i should have made it- score well instead of study hard.
5.at least join one activity in Utar b4 anything happens to me as a student.. make it two! chem society's anti-nuclear exhibition and RCM!!
6. do something crazy- yeah i did.. but not telling here.. hehehe....
7. yoga headstand...FINALLYY!!!!!!!!!! after iotas of ages trying!!!- i've got triggered by happy feeling to do this, just out of no where, luckily in my room!... and there walla for almost a minute.. i was in a very happy mode... excited and exhilarated i might say.. this one around march/april/may...hmm..yes around the spring equinox!
8. To tell out to my buddy for once and for all, about the thing i wanted to tell ages back... (this was the trigger factor!.. i dunno bout the other person.. honestly.. but i told.. and then left with glee..and then.. i assumed i was being too clingy, i stopped calling and even chattin.. still do once in a while.... don't wan to freak my buddy out ;).. the best friend i ever had.. other than my school buddies.. aathi , buu, b'getz, punie, jazz..  but then things will only happen the way it was written in the stars by our creator.. no matter what friends for lives!!! the best thing in my life.. so far ;).. any way today is buddy's B'day..
Happy Birthday Buddy!.. sowiee.. my phone is not available.. while in the process of getting a new one..
i posted in the fb wall..
9.to cry my heart out- i did, y?.. cause i usually don't cry... always repressing it.. but somehow learn to accept it.... watched movies that made me so.. ironically.. they are happy and feel good movies.. =.='''
.. there have been few that i never made it.. but, as it was told before by many, life is always good when we see it as a glass half filled with water instead of the other way round... ;)
to be honest.. my list were never  big... so fair enough for me to fulfil most of it.. or should have done all of it..
its worth the try anyway..

Now, a month after the birth of 2011..
i've just came up with my list..
my usuall lateness.. well i just want to feel the vibe of the year first before coming up with something.
 so here we go:-

1.  get me self a job ;)
2. go for hair treatment
3. thinking bout heading to the spa with my besties
4. a car of my own!!... a 4wd.. the only one i felt comfortable driving
5. living away from home on my own ;)
6. be healthy all year long!
7. to make somebody's life happier
8. play cupid to my parents
9. visit mannarasala.. the ancient snake temple in Kerala.. was intrigued
10. get my own Levi without the help of anyone, except myself
11. make new friends
12. shop for more shoes!!
13. be happy throughout the year by helping people or by any good deed
14. to start on " The Keys".. by Prem Rawat @ Maharaji.. mom kept insisting.. why not give it a try!
15. to love myself ;)
16. to somehow unite my estranged friends.. seriously they should be on talking terms .. life is short my dears ;)
17. something that i've been wishing with all my heart that i want to leave it in secracy.. ;)
18. outing with friends.. far away from Ipoh!!.. thinkin bout beaches.. and no! not Manjung!!
19. visitng my uncles in Rawang and Kulim.. was not able to
20. attend any class.. ;)

write more..

this is for now.. if i have more i'll add...

hopefully i can achieve them all!

The Core

The word core means the centre, the innermost, or the fundamental. In humans, what is our core?
Is it our heart?
our brain?
what is it?In living a blissful life what is the essentials?
what is the way of living?
Many have different opinions and ideas on this but here i would like to present what my perceptions on these, based on the 22 plus years of living my life as i am.

The core to humans is our soul. Its very light, its simple. When we have such a simple core, why are we living in complications?
As i would like to say, these troubles that we bring forth or assume to be troublesome are just some thoughts thats being brought  up by our minds. See our mind is the most powerful machine that we have ever come across but yet we fail to aknowledge this. Why?  because we underestimate it.

Taughts that are fear based only creates more one fear... and its the subject of our taught that creates the reality for us.  when all our aim is to be helpful to each other, we in the meantime want to make ourselves to appear good. What we didn't realise is that no matter how much we try to cover up on our deed, things are done for good and so to rationalise it wouldn't be wise but to live the remaining or the new life that we have created truthfully is the one that matters the most.

The core/essence of us human being is in the truth. The more we hide from it, there more misrable we would be. But if come to accept ourselves, then we would come to accept the truth in life, and thus avoiding agony, and inviting more joy, peace, safety and security. Without us accepting ourselves first, then how can others do so??...this is something that everyone should ponder on and to realise what would they want to be, instead of worrying about what they have already done..

Life would be forgiving to us, if we forgive first,
as everything begins in us.....

saying grace

to all the people whom i have met in my 23 years of life... officially at 3.43pm... :P
thank you... for stepping into my life and made it beautiful  and wonderful...

my life would be boring without you guys...
helped me to create my characters and whatever i have and believe in!

above all.. thanks to my parents... where would i be without them??
and my six precious brothers, whom are my source of inspiration..
next... to my other family members... then my BFFs!!!

my uni mates!!.... my school friends ... my ex-colloeuges.....

my crushes!!!..... and my lost friends....... camp friends.....kindy friends......thank you all....
^^................

and to people whom i have met at random places.. who taught me of simple things in life, thank you!!

its what we choose.... be careful of what you ask for....

day in day out,
nowadays i realised have stopped whining.
good for me and also to the ones beside me.
less negativity for everyone there.

till now, i couldnt believe myself that even when i brought
myself to a situation that could drain their life out,
but yet somehow i have manage to keep my cool.

This is way cool that might lead my dad or my mom into
annoyance.
Realised they don't prefer me when i am carefree,
but instead when i'm panicking and raising everybodys
blood pressure around.

When i sit and contemplate,
i realise things around me happen because i belive that
such a disaster would occur.
Leaving no self assurance that everything will be all right.

Thats why elders say, what we think is what we are.
worrying would only divert our energy to what we are not.
Sometimes leading us astray of our true path.
I get more wiser now.

For now am asking for everything to be crystal clear,
and peace for each and everyone of us( including me).
Grateful for everything that i have!
peace!!

takes time

today, walla!
i got  a way good lecture from dad.
And i dare say he IS right, in the sense that i am being ignorant.
and i made a pact within myself to change .

Come to think of why i'm, being such is do to my past when i realised that
when too much care given still you won't be appreciated.
got hurt badly, and was lied too.
And the best part all this coming from one of ur parents, will sure to crumble ur world into dust.
Hope lost,fear fills in, self-esteem gets lowered.
From that perfect daughter, to one who is childish or immature, as all the others called.
There were times i wished so badly i had someone to guide me out of it, instead of suffering it in silence.
I wanted to talk about to someone, without getting myself or the person involved judged, as
well... realised my brothers dont talk about it, i became even more cold.
i rarely trust anyone at that point.
because emotionally getting hurt by ur mom makes u even more affraid of getting too close with anyone.
then there is my lazy attitude, and yes naivity,which occured out of stubborness.
all the while i was thinkin bout the one who with or without realising made me sad, and hopeless, forgetting bout the other parent who was there all the while, showering with love, good words.
i didnt mean to compare them, their conflicting and complicating relationship ~i love both of them, by all means would love for them to be together again..... but as it seem none will get happier....
so off this goes to the dump!!!! i want to be somebody that i used to be!

i appologize to all my friends for what i was, if i had hurt u guys...

for those who have put up with me for all these times, i am incapable of saying thank you,as it is just not enough.

soo i cut the sad sentiment here.... and move on.... ;)
no more playing joker and hesitator.

the opposite of me~

for it is God's work,
 or our's.
magic felt
that enlightens,
energizes.


the more glimpsed
talked
listened
the happier, vibrant
and positive.


Everything at that time works,
evrything at the moment gives joy and succes.
its pure as an infant,
a smile of those gives warmth...
~love~