takes time

today, walla!
i got  a way good lecture from dad.
And i dare say he IS right, in the sense that i am being ignorant.
and i made a pact within myself to change .

Come to think of why i'm, being such is do to my past when i realised that
when too much care given still you won't be appreciated.
got hurt badly, and was lied too.
And the best part all this coming from one of ur parents, will sure to crumble ur world into dust.
Hope lost,fear fills in, self-esteem gets lowered.
From that perfect daughter, to one who is childish or immature, as all the others called.
There were times i wished so badly i had someone to guide me out of it, instead of suffering it in silence.
I wanted to talk about to someone, without getting myself or the person involved judged, as
well... realised my brothers dont talk about it, i became even more cold.
i rarely trust anyone at that point.
because emotionally getting hurt by ur mom makes u even more affraid of getting too close with anyone.
then there is my lazy attitude, and yes naivity,which occured out of stubborness.
all the while i was thinkin bout the one who with or without realising made me sad, and hopeless, forgetting bout the other parent who was there all the while, showering with love, good words.
i didnt mean to compare them, their conflicting and complicating relationship ~i love both of them, by all means would love for them to be together again..... but as it seem none will get happier....
so off this goes to the dump!!!! i want to be somebody that i used to be!

i appologize to all my friends for what i was, if i had hurt u guys...

for those who have put up with me for all these times, i am incapable of saying thank you,as it is just not enough.

soo i cut the sad sentiment here.... and move on.... ;)
no more playing joker and hesitator.